Think before you speak - Weight

Weight was never really an issue for me until I left high school. I used to do a lot of sport, ate what I wanted and never weighed myself (mainly because the scales were broken). But after leaving high school, I started to lose weight and I didn't really notice either. My clothes were getting looser and baggier on me, but I put it down to them being old and the elastic being worn out, and that I was just way overdue a decent shopping spree. I hadn't changed any of my eating habits, if anything, I was lazier and ate more crap than before. I was perfectly happy with myself size wise I didn't think I'd changed much at all. It wasn't until poeple that were close to me started making comments... "You're too skinny", "Are you eating?", "You used to have boobs and an arse, you're flat now", "There's nothing to you!". And I won't lie, these comments hurt. A lot.

"If you think about it, boobs are just lumps of fat..."

I think the title of this post says it all really...

I've always wanted to have bigger boobs. I was a little bit of a late developer and my thoughts growing up were that having boobs meant you'd become a 'proper woman'. Sounds daft, I know, but I'm sure that I'm not the only girl in the world to have thought this. I've never really been 'flat' chested, but I've always been considerably smaller than all my friends and it used to make me feel quite self conscious, especially when some of them used to point out the fact that I had smaller breasts and make light jokes about it (these people are no longer my friends by the way - anyone who says something that makes you feel self conscious is NOT a real friend). At the age of around 17, I was adamant that I wanted to have a boob job, but now, having one is completely out of the question (and not just because my boyfriend has pretty much forbidden me to have one). After watching numerous episodes of Botched Up Bodies and other various programmes on plastic surgery, I've come to realise just how ludicrous it is... Youre paying £1000s to have your body basically cut open and have plastic stuffed inside of you, followed by weeks of pain! Not to mention the potential health risks that come with it. No thank you!

#instasham

This article in Look magazine (2nd June 2014) sparked my interest and although it's not about body hang ups, it highlights an insecurity amongst women nonetheless. It's never once crossed my mind that I have to prove to my followers on Instagram that my life is interesting. When I do post something, it's usually showing a scenic view, something I'm interested in, or I'm trying to avoid doing something else like uni work, so the statistic shocked me... "53% of us are willing to act differently on Instagram than in real life in order to impress our friends". It made me wonder if any of the pictures I see of people on Instagram (that I get jealous of) are there to just mask any insecurities of the person posting them? Just enjoy life, take pictures for memories, not just for Instagram or the likes...  

 

The first step...

I'm 20 years old, I'm 5"3, size 6/8 with a weight that hovers around the 8 stone mark.  I study biology, I have a long term boyfriend and have slight addictions to shopping and junk food. I'm just an average person, with life so far, working out quite well. I'm the sort of person who tends to be quiet and reserved when you first meet me and then after a while, I'll drive you nutty when I won't stop chattering away. I tend not to care for peoples opinion of me (after I stopped caring, I found I was much happier) and go for whatever makes me happy. However, I find myself on a regular basis, looking down at myself or at my reflection in the mirror and having a tidal wave of insecurities consume me. I often wish to have longer legs, or bigger boobs, a flatter stomach or to have tanned skin, for my eyes to be a different colour, think a bit of plastic surgery wouldn't go a miss, wish my skin was better... (You get the idea). I look in my wardrobe and wish it was a bit more up to date fashion wise or look at selfies on Instagram and wish I could make my own face look amazing through the power of make up. I certainly wouldn't leave the house with at least mascara and concealer on at the bare minimum (wouldn't want to scare people, would I?) I feel pressures from all possible angles to look a certain way. I compare myself to every other girl and wish I looked like them in some way. My boyfriend tells me on a regular basis that he thinks I'm beautiful (I don't even need to fish for the compliment) and I believe that he thinks that, but I, myself, couldn't disagree more, and it's dragging me down enormously.