I'm 20 years old, I'm 5"3, size 6/8 with a weight that hovers around the 8 stone mark. I study biology, I have a long term boyfriend and have slight addictions to shopping and junk food. I'm just an average person, with life so far, working out quite well. I'm the sort of person who tends to be quiet and reserved when you first meet me and then after a while, I'll drive you nutty when I won't stop chattering away. I tend not to care for peoples opinion of me (after I stopped caring, I found I was much happier) and go for whatever makes me happy. However, I find myself on a regular basis, looking down at myself or at my reflection in the mirror and having a tidal wave of insecurities consume me. I often wish to have longer legs, or bigger boobs, a flatter stomach or to have tanned skin, for my eyes to be a different colour, think a bit of plastic surgery wouldn't go a miss, wish my skin was better... (You get the idea). I look in my wardrobe and wish it was a bit more up to date fashion wise or look at selfies on Instagram and wish I could make my own face look amazing through the power of make up. I certainly wouldn't leave the house with at least mascara and concealer on at the bare minimum (wouldn't want to scare people, would I?) I feel pressures from all possible angles to look a certain way. I compare myself to every other girl and wish I looked like them in some way. My boyfriend tells me on a regular basis that he thinks I'm beautiful (I don't even need to fish for the compliment) and I believe that he thinks that, but I, myself, couldn't disagree more, and it's dragging me down enormously.
One night, I was feeling a little down about having put on some weight recently and the weight going onto my stomach. I searched #thin on Instagram to maybe find some body image inspiration and some motivation to maybe do a bit more exercise and eat healthier and what came up shocked me and smacked me right back to reality... Instead of seeing pictures of flat tummies, I was shown a warning. This warning stated that there would be possible graphic content, followed by the option to view the images anyway, cancel the search or to learn more about eating disorders... EATING DISORDERS!! I'm fully aware of the severity of having an eating disorder, and the fact that Instagram thought I may need advice on them made me feel quite sick. I don't have an eating disorder... do I?!
Hit with the sudden reality check, the fact I thought gaining a few pounds was a bad thing made me realise just how ridiculous my insecurities had become. And although I do believe that having a few body hang ups is normal, mine had started to take over and thought it was about time I faced them head on. I turned to good old Google to try and find a blog which would give advice on banishing the silly insecure thoughts, remind me that I was completely normal and if I wanted to have a whole pizza then I could damn well have it...(just maybe do a little extra exercise to burn a few of the excess calories). I wanted to be told that I didn't have to have hip bones like a model or curves like Kim Kardashian or Kelly Brook to have a fab figure. I searched for a blog that would help banish any type of insecurity and basically just remind us that every shape, size, height, width, skin type, spot, wobbly bit, scar and style was just NORMAL AND BEAUTIFUL! But I couldn't find one. Fashion and make up blogs a plenty and 'natural beauty' meant whether your makeup was organic and eco friendly. Eh? There were blogs that glorified bigger girls and blogs that glorified skinny girls (I also found some blogs on overcoming eating disorders...). But what I found was a gap in the blogging world and I want to fill it.
I want to let people know that there's a million different types of normal, that the flaws we see are only there because we're focusing on them (they're practically invisible to the rest of the world) and that perfection is merely just an opinion. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And once you start being happy with yourself, you're confidence will grow and shine through to the rest of the world and you'll wonder what the hell you were worried about in the first place! I've no experience with blogging, this idea may not even be a good one or work. For now I want to share my own personal experiences, thoughts and opinions, share my insecurities, let the world know that they are normal, but they should never take over your life or bring you down. Hopefully what once felt like a ball and chain attached to you will become just a stone in your shoe that you can pick out and throw away, then carry on with life...
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